A letter to heaven

A letter to heaven

Hello angel,

It’s been a long 10 years without you. Missing you is the hardest part. At first my world felt like it was turned upside down. The ache in my heart didn’t go for such a long time. I’d spend time thinking of our moments together. The ever long phone calls, the non-stop giggles and the looks we’d give each other when we thought the same thing.

Then I’d think of our last moments together and I’d start wishing I could have done some things differently. I wish I could have saw you, like really saw you and took in your beauty. I wish I could have told you just how beautiful you was and not just on the outside but on the inside too. I wish I could have told you how much I looked up to you, how much you was there for me and how much I appreciated the times you’d stick up for me. But, all those moments were gone and I’m still here wishing.

I wish I could turn back time

The first few days I was just in shock, I’d pinch myself and still, you were gone. The next weeks/months was pretty much run on autopilot. Then the missing you would become unbearable and it’d just be an avalanche of emotions constantly. Always feeling drained. A year went by, then 5 and now it’s been 10 years.

It’s been 10 years. It’s hard to let that sink in. I still think about you, not every single day but I think of you often and I smile. I still dream of you and waking up is still painful to realise you’re not here with us. I still remember our precious moments but I wish I could recall your laugh exactly as it was. It was so infectious. I still get emotional watching certain films, listening to certain songs that make me think of you. It can completely catch me off guard. But, I still mostly smile when I think of you.

Thank you for everything

Now, I wouldn’t wish for what I could have said or done differently. Now I’d want to thank you. Thank you for being, not only my best friend but a sister to me. Thank you for looking out for me. Thank you for your passions and beliefs. And thank you for being a bloody cow on times as I’d probably still not stick up for myself now. I was a cow too, we’d fight and make up all the time. That’s what friendships are about. Learning boundaries and learning from mistakes are just a few things that come with any friendship.

Missing you always

One thing I do really wish I could do is give you a massive cwtch and tell you how much I love you and how much I was proud of you. You were amazing. It’s hard to say that in the past tense 🙁

I hope you’re proud of me too. Gosh there’s so much I’d love to tell you but this open letter will have to do. I hope one day I’ll find my way to you, wherever you may be.

Jade, you were my person. My shoulder to cry on, my go to for anything and everything. You ‘got’ me. I will always cherish our friendship. It took losing you to realise what an amazing friendship we had and I’d do anything to have that again. Remembering you will always lift me up.

“Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you’ll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there’s also the chance that the person you can count on for a lifetime, the person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along.”- Bride Wars

Make the most out of life

There are no instructions for when you lose someone. So cherish every single moment. Tell your family and friends you love them often. If you argue, make up. If you have something to say, say it. Because having regrets can be unbearable. Show your appreciation to those who deserve it and never ever take advantage of anyone. Haven’t spoke to someone in a while? Then make the first move, it’s OK to not be in constant contact with friends and family. Life happens and can sometimes get overwhelming but don’t forget those who love you. Take photographs and lots of them. Just don’t ever let it take you away from the moment. Those moments are there for the good memories. The best memories. Most importantly BE KIND. No one ever said they regret being kind for you never know what’s around the corner.

Love always,
Hannah

 

Jade and Rhiannon tragically lost their lives in a car accident on 29th March 2008.

That day will stay with us forever.

You will always be remembered in our hearts.

Love and miss you both, always x

Leave a Reply